How I Foster Without “Foster Failing”
Loving deeply and letting go.
Today I’m sharing the experience of fostering—plus practical tips to make it doable, enjoyable, and sustainable. If you’re curious about fostering—or ready to start—this is the straightforward guide to how it actually works, whether you want to foster cats, dogs, or rabbits!
I’m writing this for my “Friday Musings” because this is what my time has been consumed by, and I thought it was a good opportunity to share the experience of fostering—not only to inspire someone who might be interested in giving it a try, but also to convey the experience of loving and letting go.
I just finished a month of fostering seven cats—six kittens and their momma. Momma (Marjory) is only two years old and has already given birth to and nursed two litters. Female cats have it so rough on the streets, but she will never again want for love, shelter, care, or food.
She is safe. She is spayed. And she is sheltered.
After a very joyful few weeks with us, the babies went to the clinic to be spayed and neutered, and then to the adoption center (some of them have already been adopted)! We kept momma with us for another week so she could acclimate to being kitten-free before going to Cat Town to take her next step toward her own forever home.
We brought her there the other day, and I am just so grateful for this organization—one we not only foster for, but also support as donors and have included in our will. Cat Town is heaven for cats—with the most incredible staff and an army of volunteers who create a gentle, enriching, loving environment. I’ll be visiting Marjory regularly so she has familiar continuity during her transition. She will be very missed.
And yes—it was definitely sad and hard to let her go. It always is.
But that’s what I sign up for as a foster.
Let me explain.
Fostering 101 — How to Love and Let Go
I’m so glad and grateful to get so many questions from my community about fostering. I have an entire chapter on fostering in my book A Year of Compassion: 52 Weeks of Living Zero-Waste, Plant-Based, and Cruelty-Free, but I want to share some guidance here as well.
These are the principles that guide my fostering experience—for dogs, cats, rabbits, and other companion animals.
1. Have a Strategy / Plan
Go into fostering with clarity.
Know how long you’ll have them.
Know how transitions will work.
Know what the exit plan is, whether things are going well or not.
Be clear with yourself—and your heart—that fostering is temporary.
Fostering is not “we’ll see how it goes.” Fostering is: I am an intentional bridge to a forever home.
2. Work with a Supportive Organization / Network
I foster through Cat Town, and that makes all the difference.
The animals are part of their organization.
They guide medical care, adoption procedures, and transitions.
They provide support (and often supplies—though I’m happy to contribute to that as well, and that’s always an option for fosterers).
The point is I am not doing this alone. Good rescues support their fosters as much as their animals.
Now, I know there are individual heroes who rescue animals—intentionally or incidentally—and mobilize their own networks to find homes. I admire that so much. It just doesn’t work for me. I prefer to partner with an organization for the reasons I named above. That support makes this work sustainable.
3. Keep Your Boundaries
This is emotional work. Boundaries make it possible.
For me, our foster cats stay in my office with the door closed. This keeps Michiko, at 14.5 years old, safe, secure, and reassured that she is still our one and only queen.
I don’t entertain the idea of introducing fosters to her. Not even a little.
That boundary protects her well-being, and it supports mine by holding a clear emotional distinction between our forever cat and our temporary guests, whom I love deeply.
4. Love More Not Less
There’s a notion that fosters protect themselves from loving “too much” because letting go will hurt. The truth is the opposite: it’s loving so much that makes good fosters.
It’s because we care so deeply that we’re able to offer true companionship, affection, and stellar care. I don’t love them any less because I know I’ll be letting them go; if anything, I probably love them more, knowing they don’t yet have their forever people.
Yes, goodbye is hard—but we can do hard things. And the gift of letting go is that it makes room to help the next vulnerable cat on their way to a forever home.
5. Goodbye is the Goal
I understand what people mean by “foster fail,” but it implies that adopting your foster is success and letting them go is failure.
It’s not.
When someone says, “Don’t you want to adopt them? They’re so sweet,” there’s often a veiled suggestion that I am doing something wrong by not keeping the cats I foster.
But I’m not failing by letting them go.
I am succeeding.
I love them well.
I keep them safe.
I help them trust.
And then I give them the opportunity to find the people who will be their forever.
Of course I miss them. I always do. But I know what I’m solving for. And I know that another cat, or mother, or litter, or shy baby waiting in a shelter will soon need exactly what I can give.
And I’ll be ready again.
Just not today.
Today, it feels good to have my office back (and clean), Michiko feeling more relaxed, and me recharging after the joy and work of caring for other little beings. And today, I can’t wait to go visit Marjory—bringing her a familiar voice and lots of smooches.
For the animals,
Colleen 🐾
Sustaining our Capacity to Care
To keep showing up for animals, I have to make sure I’m nourishing my own body and energy as well. Even with a nutrient-rich plant-based diet, we can thrive even more with thoughtful support. That’s where Complement comes in, I take Complement Essential as my daily multivitamin for B12, D3, iodine, zinc, and magnesium; Omega Complex for essential fats; and as part of my strength-training and muscle-building routine, I fuel up with their clean Organic Protein. With Complement and my nutrient-rich diet, I have everything I need to fuel my body, support my strength, and thrive so I can do my work in the world for animals — both human and non-human.
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Additional Resources
👉 Connect with me 1:1 – Get personalized guidance whatever you are looking for.
👉 Read A Year of Compassion – Daily inspiration to help you live with intention, kindness, and clarity.
👉 Travel with me! I host animal-friendly, luxury, all-inclusive vegan trips around the world, specifically curated to ensure high-quality, high-touch premium experiences. Check out our upcoming trips, and let me know if you have any questions.
👉 Check out my Recipe E-Books and my library of On-Demand Cooking Classes for recipes.
Questions? Comments? Thoughts?