How to Lead with Compassion in the Face of Cruelty
A reflection on holding integrity, courage, and moral clarity—without becoming what we oppose
Many of you have privately asked for my thoughts about how to respond when violence, corruption, and shamelessness emanate from institutions and individuals tasked with protecting rights, upholding justice, serving the public good, and telling the truth. And so I wanted to share publicly some reflections on what it actually means to respond with—and lead with—compassion in times like these.
Compassion Defined
Violence, corruption, and shamelessness are not signs of too much compassion; they’re signs of too little. When compassion is absent, people behave badly. When compassion is lacking, the answer is not to withhold it, but to extend it.
This does not mean complacency.
This does not mean weakness.
This does not mean lying down, turning away, or giving in.
What it does mean is refusing to mirror the cruelty, shamelessness, vindictiveness, and cowardice we oppose.
It means knowing who we are, doing what is right, and making deliberate choices about how we speak, what we tolerate, and what we refuse to participate in—without resorting to the playbook of despots: name-calling, finger-pointing, blaming, gaslighting, exaggerating, lying, dehumanizing, threatening, bullying, intimidating, manipulating, deflecting, denying reality, and rewriting the truth.
That is the playbook of cruelty. This is the practice of compassion.
Sticking to the facts and verifying before sharing anything. Misinformation is the game of liars; it is not the work of compassion.
Speaking truthfully—without spinning, exaggerating, or distorting reality. Deception is the tool of deceivers, not those committed to integrity.
Tolerating dissent—listening in good faith, making principled arguments, and engaging opposing views with respect and discernment. Silencing is the tactic of authoritarians, not of those who trust open inquiry.
Protecting our language—not dehumanizing, not mocking, not demeaning anyone (even those with whom we disagree). Cruelty is the game of bullies, not people of conscience.
There is nothing passive about this. It requires discipline, courage, and moral strength.
Remember Who They Are
When individuals and institutions repeatedly act with deception, cruelty, or disregard for the public good, we need to stop acting shocked and surprised—even when their behavior gets worse than we thought possible and the bottom drops even lower than we believed it could.
That is what a complete absence of shame looks like. That is who they are.
When people have shown us—again and again—who they are and what they are capable of, our work is not to keep reacting in disbelief, but to remember what we already know—and to remind ourselves and each other:
lying is a tactic
gaslighting is meant to confuse and disorient
intimidation is used to silence
shamelessness displaces accountability
chaos and disorder is used to distract
By design.
This is their playbook. Once we accept it, we can respond with clarity, steadiness, and skill rather than disbelief and disorientation.
Knowing who we are matters just as much as knowing who they are. We are not defined by their bad behavior but rather guided by our own principles. We lose our footing when we simply react to everything they say and do—when we lurch from one provocation to the next.
But when we stay rooted in who we are, when we act rather than react, we regain clarity, intention, and agency.
Reacting all the time is exhausting—and exhaustion is the point. It breeds despair, despondency, hopelessness, and helplessness. That is what they are counting on.
But we are not powerless, and they are accountable.
Exercise the Power You Have
So, hold them accountable.
I know it doesn’t feel possible—especially after witnessing how much has been tolerated, excused, and ignored. But they are not immune. We know this. We have seen it. They have lost before.
Hold them accountable—lawfully and deliberately.
When people who are entrusted with public power abuses that trust, they should be removed. When responsibilities and oaths have been betrayed, accountability isn’t optional—it’s required.
In a democracy, accountability has a lawful form. We fire people at the ballot box.
And that’s what they’re afraid of.
The cowardice we’re witnessing in so many realms and branches stems solely from a desperate desire to hold onto power. And the reason despots try to make voting harder is because they’re afraid people will vote them out.
So vote them out. Organize. Register voters. Protect access to the ballot. Show up.
I know it can feel agonizingly distant—and painfully inadequate. We all want to act now and see results now.
But lawful, durable change doesn’t always happen instantly. Not everything can happen today. That’s how democracies work.
So, stay engaged. Stay focused. And take care.
Nurture Yourself
Sustaining compassion in difficult times requires stamina. And stamina doesn’t come from staying constantly activated or perpetually outraged—it comes from knowing when to slow down, step back, and restore ourselves so we can keep going.
Despots rely on chaos. They provoke outrage, manufacture crisis, and keep the noise constant because exhaustion serves them. Worn-down citizens disengage. Disengagement keeps their power unchecked.
They are counting on it. Exhaustion is their strategy.
So pace yourself. Rest is not retreat. Self-compassion is not complacency. Step back when you need to, unplug when necessary, tend to your body, nurture your relationships, and cultivate your joy.
This is a long game, not a sprint.
Nurture Each Other
One of the oldest tactics of despots is to divert attention away from themselves and their despotic behavior. And the way they do that is by creating conflict and chaos among the people, so they fight one another instead of confronting them: the source of harm.
We see this over and over again. In history. In the world around us. In our own lives. People being pitted against one another—across identities, beliefs, parties, and differences—while those in power evade accountability for amoral, abusive, and illegal behavior.
This is why standing together matters. One of the most important things I’ve learned about effective communication—and about meaningful change—is the difference between standing against one another and standing together against the problem.
When we turn on each other, we do the work of the despot for him. When we stay connected, grounded, and united, we refuse to play that role.
Leading with compassion means resisting the pull to fracture. It means remembering that our strength is not in out-arguing or out-shaming one another, but in staying oriented toward what actually needs to change—and who is responsible for changing it.
Stay focused on that.
Bestow Compassion
And finally, the hardest part: extending compassion to those who seem the least deserve of it.
Wait, wait, don’t click away.
Extending compassion even to those whose actions we oppose—whose cruelty and abuse of power cause real harm—is not an endorsement of that behavior. It’s an acknowledgment that cruelty, shamelessness, and abuse of power do not arise from wholeness.
People who are not deeply fractured do not behave this way.
Wishing compassion for them is not approval; it is a recognition that suffering lies at the root of harm—and that a world with less suffering is a world with less harm.
Leading with compassion means wishing for them the integrity and moral clarity they so clearly lack—because if they had those things, they would not be compelled to act in such destructive ways.
Having compassion—even for those who show none—isn’t about excusing harm; it’s about refusing to let their cruelty distort who we are or what we stand for.
We don’t win by becoming what we oppose.
We win by refusing to let cruelty, deception, and chaos shape who we are. We stay human. We stay lawful. We stay engaged. And we keep going—together. That is the work before us. That is what it means to show up with compassion.
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Additional Resources
👉 Connect with me 1:1 – Get personalized guidance whatever you are looking for.
👉 Read A Year of Compassion – Daily inspiration to help you live with intention, kindness, and clarity.
👉 Travel with me! I host animal-friendly, luxury, all-inclusive vegan trips around the world, specifically curated to ensure high-quality, high-touch premium experiences. Check out our upcoming trips, and let me know if you have any questions.
👉 Check out my Recipe E-Books and my library of On-Demand Cooking Classes for recipes, including my popular High-Protein Recipes Featuring Tofu, Tempeh, and Edamame!
This is absolutely brilliant!
THIS, I will reread 🙏